Now and forever more.

For me, the best runs ever are not the ones in which I make the best time. Or I run the hardest. Or I run the farthest.

The best runs are the ones where you are running (in my case, shuffling), and you have to stop because you are crying so hard... not from pain or exhaustion. But from God's spirit tenderly reminding me He loves me. That's one reason I run. That sweet 30 minutes of time with the Lord is gold.

So thankful the Lord never gives up on us. Never.

You are stronger than my failures... I'm still Yours... I choose Jesus. Now and forever more.

Good decisions are sometimes the hardest.

....

That's all.

The Hard Things- Part 2

There have been a lot of things that I have learned about running this past year that I never knew. For example...

1. Always try to use the restroom before running - even if you don't think you have to go.
2. Tying your shoe too tight could cause you to lose feeling in your foot after 1.5 miles... however, the lack of feeling in your foot could be from running in shorts in 40 degree weather with strong winds.
Which brings me to point 3. Don't always believe what runnersworld.com tells you to wear for the weather forecast.
4. Make sure your ipod is charged before you take it to go running. The extra 2 ounces is like 20 pounds when you have no reason to run with it.
5. When you see someone you know while running, it is always a good choice to forego the simple wave and actually STOP and talk. I mean, you don't want them to think you are rude...
6. New, expensive running shoes make you run faster... in your head.
7. That big hill you always thought was big... is still big.
8. When you stop running 20+ miles a week, you may not eat a box of doughnut holes before dinner without repercussions. (this may or may not have been tested a few times, just to make sure...)

But in all seriousness, running taught me great things. Like I had written in an earlier post, I decided to do a mini-marathon to create discipline, something hard that I would have to work at. There is no way that I could go out and complete a mini-marathon (running or walking) without training. But some reason when I was training, I somehow had this skewed idea that once I trained and completed a mini-marathon, I would have discipline in my life. Miraculously! Magic! Wa-la! There. Instantly. And although this seems obvious to every person old enough to read this, discipline takes time to create. And I never really got that.

I took a break from running after the race. I knew I would; the demands of work, school, and the holidays were just too much to keep up running the amount that I was. (It was a nice break!) But my body has felt terrible. I tried to attribute it to holiday eating, but I know that is only part of it. So I began running a little this week. And boy, it. was. hard. I wasn't expecting to be breathing as hard as I was after only 1/2 a mile! Oh, and was it ugly!

And I began to understand this week how discipline is ongoing commitment. Not only is it NOT magically attained after a few months of training, but you must keep working toward it, or you can go back to ground zero.

My heart hurts as I type that.

Because I discovered that in my spiritual life this week too. Not only did I back off of running, but I allowed myself to take a step back in my relationship with God too. (Not a good choice, Bex.) I haven't been spending time in God's Word daily. And when I do, it's been brief.

Fact: Running only a few times a month will not keep me physically healthy. Running a short distance before stopping will not keep me physically healthy either.

Likewise, spending time with God only a few times a week will not cultivate a deep relationship. Spending short amounts of time with Him will not cultivate a deep relationship either.

Earlier this week I was having a great day, when suddenly, out of nowhere, I was overwhelmed with the lies that God was not good to me, that He was being unfair, and that my plans were better than His. And I was completely caught off guard. It was ugly. Very ugly.

Not to say that if I had been spending daily, quality time with God that I wouldn't have been caught up in a lie. But I do believe that I would have been stronger in fighting it. I would have been quicker to believe God's Truth about who He is and who He is to me.

All in all, it comes down to this. Discipline takes time. Discipline takes commitment. Discipline takes ongoing effort. Discipline takes sacrifice. And discipline takes me to a healthier place that's totally worth working for each day.

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know, Thus saith the Lord.


Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him,
How I've proved Him o're and o're,
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh for grace to trust Him more.

The Hard Things-Part 1

As many of you know, 2 years ago God allowed my life to be shaken in a way that all I could do was cling to Him. I was broken in the deepest way and grew to know God in a magnificent way through all the hurt. God has brought be through it and taken me to a new depth with Him, and I am so thankful for it. But about 6 months ago I realized I had let my life become mediocre. Life had become easy. I didn't have a "need" for God. And as I know going through an "easier" stage of life can be a blessing, God was beginning to tell me that this was not from Him. Over the spring and summer He kept expressing to me to go deeper with him. To stop doing what is always "easy" in life. 

As I started thinking about this more, I realized how often I take the easy road. Complain instead of being thankful for God's blessings. Worry/fear instead of trust in God's faithfulness. Spend time watching TV instead of playing my guitar or praying or reading God's Word. Play on the computer instead of exercise. Get fake nails instead of breaking my nail-biting habit. Self-pity instead of confidence in God. Eat fast-food instead of a balanced meal. The list goes on. And not that it is bad to do some of these things, but it was a lifestyle of "easy" that inhibited being able to grow closer to God. And I do believe that God has been calling me to live a life of doing harder things... 

So thinking through what I could do to fix some of these things, what kept coming to my brain is that I lacked self-control, or discipline. 

So I decided I wanted to build discipline in my life. Ok, where do I start? How do you accomplish that? My personality has never been a "go-getter." How does one break a habit? Ask a friend to help with accountability? Go through the steps with her? Yeah, that has been something I have done in the past. But discipline is something that is internal. That I want to create within me despite others. So that if other experiences come up, I have something built inside of me that is NOT dependent on what someone else thinks or says. So here I am again, what do I do??

Back in the spring as I was thinking of all this, my mom was in a discipleship program. Whenever she talked about it, I was intrigued and excited. It's a method that helps people dig deeper into Scripture, live deeper with Christ, and to Know Him, become like Him and Glorify Him more... and so I decided I wanted to do it. It starts out small, and grows into more and more. I loved the idea of building and growing.

And I thought, "Ok, I've got a plan on this discipline thing." But although spiritual discipline is great, I felt God wanted me to do more. I was a little afraid that doing something more by myself, I would have the potential to stop when it got hard. To stop when I didn't have time. And your spiritual life is something that you don't really "see" and "know about." You don't really measure. I knew God was asking me to do something physical. Something else HARD. 

I wanted to do something that I had to work hard for, sacrifice for, train for... Something hard that I couldn't finish without making myself work and meet goals. 

I thought, well, I could run a race. I like the idea of correlating running with spiritual growth. There are so many parallels about it in my mind, through Scripture, and I loved it. But I had done that before. Run a 5K wasn't that big of a deal. And if I didn't finish training for it all, I could still finish it; 3 miles is doable! And then, let alone I hate running. I am not a runner. Let me say that again... I. am. not. a. runner. Still, I needed something big.

So I signed up for a mini marathon. (On a whim, might I add.) 13.1 miles. Something I would have to train for, sacrifice for, work hard for. I couldn't go into it without giving it my all. It would be hard finishing it without training.

And I wanted to do it by myself. Yeah, I know that sounds independent and somewhat stupid. Encouragement from a friends is always good, right? But I know my personality and the personality of some of my dear friends, we could become competitive. And that is NOT what I wanted. Competition would not create forever discipline. It would create temporary discipline. I'm great at the temporary discipline. That's what I want to get away from. I don't want the goals and accomplishments be based on other people in my life. And I also wanted to prove to myself that I can do this, not based on other people. Doing that would be the easy way. And I know God was calling me to go the hard way. 


So I started training. Spiritually and physically. And it was tough. Even though I started out small. Reading small passages of Scripture and meditating everyday. And remember, not.a.runner. So I started out with short, short distances. And roughly 235 miles later... I did 13.1 miles at one time. 


God has taught me a lot of things through this experience. But, if you have made it this far in the post, you have read enough for now. So here is a video my friend Nancy, who ran a big race too, made about the event. I couldn't get the video to load, so click the link instead. Enjoy!

This is Monumental