God's Faithfulness

I am sitting on my floor crying... thankful tears. I want to tell you all that the Lord is so faithful and generous. All last summer and fall I prayed and begged God that I could have a conversation with someone, that I would be able to have some closure to a relationship. But I kept hearing from God that it wasn't right or fair to bring up that type of conversation with the person involved. And so I didn't. After a long few months of dealing with being hurt, last fall I finally decided to let it go, forgive the person involved, and resolve to knowing there would be no conversation to provide closure. I was confused and frustrated that God wouldn't allow me to send a letter, or call the person. I had written a lot of letters during that time. And threw them away because I never felt peace about giving them to the person. Finally I decided to write one more letter, and instead of sending it, I burned it. And decided that was it. Move on.

Throughout the last year, and especially since then, the Lord had decided to teach me some important things- like Who He is, despite circumstances or how I feel. He's taught me humility, the importance of being vulnerable and honest with Him, that He has His hand in every aspect of my life, and that trusting in Him... means. everything.

I came to the point last year, that God had chosen to not allow a conversation, the closure because He wanted to teach me another way - move on despite how I felt, or what I deserved to hear or know. And I do believe that if I had the conversation when I wanted it, it would have been shared out of my hurt or my anger - and that for sure would not have been beneficial... but I had come to the conclusion that God was in this, even if He didn't answer me prayers for a conversation... until today.

God didn't have to bring about this conversation. He didn't have to bring healing this way. But He did. And He did it in His timing - so that my heart was not angry. But truly repentant and willing and able to hear the words of another repentant heart. And that brought healing. I am so thankful that God answered my prayers, because he didn't have to. He is such a generous God.

I am overwhelmed by His faithfulness and generosity to me in this. Words that I believed I would never hear, I did hear, and it healed part of my heart today.

Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song...