No Answers? Okay.

I've been learning about change. a lot. I've been learning what it truly means to walk with Jesus. God has been faithful to provide great friends and family to walk with me, and I thank God for those blessings in my life. But He has also been teaching me about solitude. It's been easy to hang out with friends and talk with family; what is hard is when I'm alone. Driving home to an empty house, trying to fall asleep- my mind wanders and I feel so scared and alone, so frustrated. Or when I wake up, and my mind travels back to the way it used to think and the THINGS is used to think about when I first woke up. Those are the times that are difficult. That I feel confused, frustrated, and lonely. I struggle with the question, "Why me God?" or "Why do I have to wait for a husband when all my friends get to have someone?" "Why do I have to have my heart broken?" "What about my future? What about my dreams?" And I must make decisions about what I choose for the day, for my life. I don't get the luxury of having the answers for why circumstances have played out this way in my life. Solitude is not going to be the place I find those answers, but as the place I decide if I'm going on, possibly alone- without them. God knows what I crave more than anything. He knows that I crave more of His love, His understanding and His wisdom. And the conviction that He is supremely God. That He is my future. I hold on to my Jesus, and choose to continue on in hope that God will continue to perfect and complete me. (James 1:4)

I don't have the answers to all my questions. But that is ok. In this time of change, I have Jesus. And I never want to be without my Jesus.