I bought an electric skillet last week. A small, $20 square skillet from WalMart.
And although that seems like an everyday, meaningless thing to do...
it. was. a. big. deal.
Not because it was an unexpected $20, or because I don't have a place to put in in my limited cabinet space, because both are true, but because of what it represents to me.
An electric skillet is one of my favorite cooking utensils. Growing up, I feel like my mom used it all the time - especially to make my favorite meals - fried potatoes, french toast, Chinese, hamburgers and gravy... mm mmm. Good stuff. It's always been one of those things I've been so excited to have to make wonderful meals with for people - specifically, a family. I guess cause that's what my mom did. Let my daughter stir the rice, cook french toast for my family in my pjs Saturday morning... you get it.
In college, I bought an electric skillet for a friend off her bridal registry. I was so excited to look at them and think about the one that I would pick out to put on my registry when I got married. So I waited through college to buy one - when I thought I would get married. And waited even after college - knowing it could be any day... but it never happened, ok. And so in some twisted mind of mine, knowing marriage is not just around the corner, I didn't want to get one even now. I'm not married, and I don't have a family. And so to me, I'm not supposed to have one. It's a utensil that I am not supposed to initially buy. In my twisted mind, I wanted my first electric skillet to be a wedding gift. Because that is what I thought it should be. Twisted. I know. Ridiculous. I know!
I was cooking green eggs and ham last week at school. At 10:30 the night before, I realized I had forgotten to ask a friend to borrow her electric skillet. Out of necessity I went to buy one. I REALLY did not want to buy it. I'm 26, it's ok to buy an electric skillet, I know. Just buy the silly skillet! I know!
But for me, buying a skillet meant... I'm not going to get married. I'm not going to have a family.
I'm sure you are reading this and saying, "That is the craziest thing I have heard." And in my mind, I am there with you. But my heart tugs at that thought that I bought my own skillet. That I don't get to open one up, and use it for the first time to make something wonderful for my family. I feel like I am letting go of a deep desire of my heart.
And right now I am sitting on my couch, with a direct view of the skillet sitting on the table that I don't have room for in my cabinet. What am I supposed to do with this skillet..... this, desire?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.
All I know is that God is continuing to work out the plans he has for my life. His plans are right now. And the desires I have are formed from Him and are good. So all I can do is trust The Provider, The All Knowing, The Lover of my soul... and keep walking on this life adventure with Him... and my electric skillet.
Yes, quite often our dreams don't come out the way we thought. But, sometimes our dreams aren't as good as what actually happens.
ReplyDeleteI do not think you are crazy... I totally get it.Sometimes it is the small stuff that is the hardest todealwith. Yet, the small stuff seems to let God work in big ways.
ReplyDeletelove you
C
I don't think you are crazy at all. We all equate things in life to symbolize something larger. I am proud of you and I will buy you a new, fancy electric skillet for a wedding gift! (BTW, I have never owned or used an electric skillet. Next time I visit, will you introduce me to the joys of cooking on one? Much like you introduced me to the joys of eating snowcones? Thanks, roommie; you're the best!)
ReplyDeleteHey, I want a snow cone too. Lets set up a day for everyone to come to KY and have snow cones.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! You're not crazy at all. You're real. And it's refreshing :)
ReplyDeleteBy the way- that annonymous post was me. I always forget to sign my name.....
ReplyDeleteSuz
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the DESIRES of your heart." Psalm 37:4 :) LOL.... And those are not superficial desires. Just think, you can sell that skillet in a yard sale when that day comes. And you will have an even better skillet than the $20 one. And my heart smiled when you bought it at 10:30 the night before because I purchased the same $20 skillet about about 9:30 that same night.
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