Routines... or lack of routines

I so much enjoyed my time away... but I am glad to be back home. I forget how I function better with a routine. Don't get me wrong; it is wonderful to not live by a schedule and truly have freedom to relax and chill- do what you want, when you want. Although I have had some good time with God praying and good, encouraging fellowship this week, I have missed spending time reading and studying the Bible. And I just realized that today. Things that I thought I had worked through have begun to surface again this week. I've been frustrated that I've had to deal with these feelings again. I don't want to go in circles. I don't want to relearn. I tend to be a perfectionist, and I want to get it the first time. I hate that I am processing the same feelings that I had worked through a month ago. Why am I going through it again? I know part of it is simply sin nature, but I also think a lot of it is because I haven't been consistent with with my relationship with God, and therefor, I have lost some of my focus and trusting more of myself and less of God. Slowly, I've begun to take back the feelings and desires and trust that I put into His hands.

I love how faithful God is. That is one of the things that causes me to love the waves and beach so much. It paints many pictures for me of God's faithfulness and love. I think this will be another post sometime... but I've been thinking about how His faithfulness never ends. It just keeps coming, and keeps coming... he is faithful even when I take back what I was trusting him with. He is waiting, still there, faithful to who He says He is. Faithful to help, faithful to guide, faithful to love. He is a God who cares about my feelings and desires, and wants me to trust, again. Even when we don't understand. He is still so faithful to trust. There is so much in my life, let alone the world, that I don't get about how God works- what He allows to happen. The hurt, confusion... so much. I look forward to understanding, or just getting a glimpse, of the plan he has orchestrated for my life. Oh what a loving God He is.

"I do not seek, O Lord, to penetrate thy depths. I by no means think my intellect equal to them: but I long to understand in some degree thy truth, which my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand that I may believe, but I believe, that I may understand." -Anselm, 11th century English monk

Continue to help me trust You fully and teach me to be faithful to You.